Love is Fallacy by Max Shulman
Cool was I and logical.Keen, calculating, perspicacious, acute and astute—I was all of these.My brain was as powerful as a dynamo, precise as a chemist‟s scales, as penetrating as a scalpel.And—think of it!—I only eighteen.It is not often that one so young has such a giant intellect.Take, for example, Petey Bellows, my roommate at the university.Same age, same background, but dumb as an ox.A nice enough fellow, you understand, but nothing upstairs.Emotional type.Unstable.Impressionable.Worst of all, a faddist.Fads, I submit, are the very negation of reason.To be swept up in every new craze that comes along, to surrender oneself to idiocy just because everybody else is doing it—this, to me, is the acme of mindlessness.Not, however, to Petey.One afternoon I found Petey lying on his bed with an expression of such distress on his face that I immediately diagnosed appendicitis.“Don‟t move,” I said, “Don‟t take a laxative.I‟ll get a doctor.”
“Raccoon,” he mumbled thickly.“Raccoon?” I said, pausing in my flight.“I want a raccoon coat,” he wailed.I perceived that his trouble was not physical, but mental.“Why do you want a raccoon coat?”
“I should have known it,” he cried, pounding his temples.“I should have known they‟d come back when the Charleston came back.Like a fool I spent all my money for textbooks, and now I can‟t get a raccoon coat.”
“Can you mean,” I said incredulously, “that people are actually wearing raccoon coats again?”
“All the Big Men on Campus are wearing them.Where‟ve you been?”
“In the library,” I said, naming a place not frequented by Big Men on Campus.He leaped from the bed and paced the room.“I‟ve got to have a raccoon coat,” he said passionately.“I‟ve got to!”
“Petey, why? Look at it rationally.Raccoon coats are unsanitary.They shed.They smell bad.They weigh too much.They‟re unsightly.They—”
“You don‟t understand,” he interrupted impatiently.“It‟s the thing to do.Don‟t you want to be in the swim?”
“No,” I said truthfully.“Well, I do,” he declared.“I‟d give anything for a raccoon coat.Anything!”
My brain, that precision instrument, slipped into high gear.“Anything?” I asked, looking at him narrowly.“Anything,” he affirmed in ringing tones.I stroked my chin thoughtfully.It so happened that I knew where to get my hands on a raccoon coat.My father had had one in his undergraduate days;it lay now in a trunk in the attic back home.It also happened that Petey had something I wanted.He didn‟t have it exactly, but at least he had first rights on it.I refer to his girl, Polly Espy.I had long coveted Polly Espy.Let me emphasize that my desire for this young woman was not emotional in nature.She was, to be sure, a girl who excited the emotions, but I was not one to let my heart rule my head.I wanted Polly for a shrewdly calculated, entirely cerebral reason.I was a freshman in law school.In a few years I would be out in practice.I was well aware of the importance of the right kind of wife in furthering a lawyer‟s career.The successful lawyers I had observed were, almost without exception, married to beautiful, gracious, intelligent women.With one omission, Polly fitted these specifications perfectly.Beautiful she was.She was not yet of pin-up proportions, but I felt that time would supply the lack.She already had the makings.Gracious she was.By gracious I mean full of graces.She had an erectness of carriage, an ease of bearing, a poise that clearly indicated the best of breeding.At table her manners were exquisite.I had seen her at the Kozy Kampus Korner eating the specialty of the house—a sandwich that contained scraps of pot roast, gravy, chopped nuts, and a dipper of sauerkraut—without even getting her fingers moist.Intelligent she was not.In fact, she veered in the opposite direction.But I believed that under my guidance she would smarten up.At any rate, it was worth a try.It is, after all, easier to make a beautiful dumb girl smart than to make an ugly smart girl beautiful.“Petey,” I said, “are you in love with Polly Espy?”
“I think she‟s a keen kid,” he replied, “but I don‟t know if you‟d call it love.Why?” “Do you,” I asked, “have any kind of formal arrangement with her? I mean are you going steady or anything like that?”
“No.We see each other quite a bit, but we both have other dates.Why?” “Is there,” I asked, “any other man for whom she has a particular fondness?” “Not that I know of.Why?”
I nodded with satisfaction.“In other words, if you were out of the picture, the field would be open.Is that right?”
“I guess so.What are you getting at?”
“Nothing , nothing,” I said innocently, and took my suitcase out the closet.“Where are you going?” asked Petey.“Home for weekend.” I threw a few things into the bag.“Listen,” he said, clutching my arm eagerly, “while you‟re home, you couldn‟t get some money from your old man, could you, and lend it to me so I can buy a raccoon coat?”
“I may do better than that,” I said with a mysterious wink and closed my bag and left.“Look,” I said to Petey when I got back Monday morning.I threw open the suitcase and revealed the huge, hairy, gamy object that my father had worn in his Stutz Bearcat in 1925.“Holy Toledo!” said Petey reverently.He plunged his hands into the raccoon coat and then his face.“Holy Toledo!” he repeated fifteen or twenty times.“Would you like it?” I asked.“Oh yes!” he cried, clutching the greasy pelt to him.Then a canny look came into his eyes.“What do you want for it?”
“Your girl.” I said, mincing no words.“Polly?” he said in a horrified whisper.“You want Polly?” “That‟s right.” He flung the coat from him.“Never,” he said stoutly.I shrugged.“Okay.If you don‟t want to be in the swim, I guess it‟s your business.” I sat down in a chair and pretended to read a book, but out of the corner of my eye I kept watching Petey.He was a torn man.First he looked at the coat with the expression of a waif at a bakery window.Then he turned away and set his jaw resolutely.Then he looked back at the coat, with even more longing in his face.Then he turned away, but with not so much resolution this time.Back and forth his head swiveled, desire waxing, resolution waning.Finally he didn‟t turn away at all;he just stood and stared with mad lust at the coat.“It isn‟t as though I was in love with Polly,” he said thickly.“Or going steady or anything like that.”
“That‟s right,” I murmured.“What‟s Polly to me, or me to Polly?” “Not a thing,” said I.“It‟s just been a casual kick—just a few laughs, that‟s all.” “Try on the coat,” said I.He complied.The coat bunched high over his ears and dropped all the way down to his shoe tops.He looked like a mound of dead raccoons.“Fits fine,” he said happily.I rose from my chair.“Is it a deal?” I asked, extending my hand.He swallowed.“It‟s a deal,” he said and shook my hand.I had my first date with Polly the following evening.This was in the nature of a survey;I wanted to find out just how much work I had to do to get her mind up to the standard I required.I took her first to dinner.“Gee, that was a delish dinner,” she said as we left the restaurant.Then I took her to a movie.“Gee, that was a marvy movie,” she said as we left the theatre.And then I took her home.“Gee, I had a sensaysh time,” she said as she bade me good night.I went back to my room with a heavy heart.I had gravely underestimated the size of my task.This girl‟s lack of information was terrifying.Nor would it be enough merely to supply her with information.First she had to be taught to think.This loomed as a project of no small dimensions, and at first I was tempted to give her back to Petey.But then I got to thinking about her abundant physical charms and about the way she entered a room and the way she handled a knife and fork, and I decided to make an effort.I went about it, as in all things, systematically.I gave her a course in logic.It happened that I, as a law student, was taking a course in logic myself, so I had all the facts at my fingertips.“Poll‟,” I said to her when I picked her up on our next date, “tonight we are going over to the Knoll and talk.”
“Oo, terrif,” she replied.One thing I will say for this girl: you would go far to find another so agreeable.We went to the Knoll, the campus trysting place, and we sat down under an old oak, and she looked at me expectantly.“What are we going to talk about?” she asked.“Logic.”
She thought this over for a minute and decided she liked it.“Magnif,” she said.“Logic,” I said, clearing my throat, “is the science of thinking.Before we can think correctly, we must first learn to recognize the common fallacies of logic.These we will take up tonight.”
“Wow-dow!” she cried, clapping her hands delightedly.I winced, but went bravely on.“First let us examine the fallacy called Dicto Simpliciter.”
“By all means,” she urged, batting her lashes eagerly.“Dicto Simpliciter means an argument based on an unqualified generalization.For example: Exercise is good.Therefore everybody should exercise.”
“I agree,” said Polly earnestly.“I mean exercise is wonderful.I mean it builds the body and everything.”
“Polly,” I said gently, “the argument is a fallacy.Exercise is good is an unqualified generalization.For instance, if you have heart disease, exercise is bad, not good.Many people are ordered by their doctors not to exercise.You must qualify the generalization.You must say exercise is usually good, or exercise is good for most people.Otherwise you have committed a Dicto Simpliciter.Do you see?”
“No,” she confessed.“But this is marvy.Do more!Do more!”
“It will be better if you stop tugging at my sleeve,” I told her, and when she desisted, I continued.“Next we take up a fallacy called Hasty Generalization.Listen carefully: You can‟t speak French.Petey Bellows can‟t speak French.I must therefore conclude that nobody at the University of Minnesota can speak French.”
“Really?” said Polly, amazed.“Nobody?”
I hid my exasperation.“Polly, it‟s a fallacy.The generalization is reached too hastily.There are too few instances to support such a conclusion.”
“Know any more fallacies?” she asked breathlessly.“This is more fun than dancing even.”
I fought off a wave of despair.I was getting nowhere with this girl, absolutely nowhere.Still, I am nothing if not persistent.I continued.“Next comes Post Hoc.Listen to this: Let‟s not take Bill on our picnic.Every time we take him out with us, it rains.”
“I know somebody just like that,” she exclaimed.“A girl back home—Eula Becker, her name is.It never fails.Every single time we take her on a picnic—”
“Polly,” I said sharply, “it‟s a fallacy.Eula Becker doesn‟t cause the rain.She has no connection with the rain.You are guilty of Post Hoc if you blame Eula Becker.”
“I‟ll never do it again,” she promised contritely.“Are you mad at me?” I sighed.“No, Polly, I‟m not mad.” “Then tell me some more fallacies.”
“All right.Let‟s try Contradictory Premises.”
“Yes, let‟s,” she chirped, blinking her eyes happily.I frowned, but plunged ahead.“Here‟s an example of Contradictory Premises: If God can do anything, can He make a stone so heavy that He won‟t be able to lift it?”
“Of course,” she replied promptly.“But if He can do anything, He can lift the stone,” I pointed out.“Yeah,” she said thoughtfully.“Well, then I guess He can‟t make the stone.” “But He can do anything,” I reminded her.She scratched her pretty, empty head.“I‟m all confused,” she admitted.“Of course you are.Because when the premises of an argument contradict each other, there can be no argument.If there is an irresistible force, there can be no immovable object.If there is an immovable object, there can be no irresistible force.Get it?”
“Tell me more of this keen stuff,” she said eagerly.I consulted my watch.“I think we‟d better call it a night.I‟ll take you home now, and you go over all the things you‟ve learned.We‟ll have another session tomorrow night.”
I deposited her at the girls‟ dormitory, where she assured me that she had had a perfectly terrif evening, and I went glumly home to my room.Petey lay snoring in his bed, the raccoon coat huddled like a great hairy beast at his feet.For a moment I considered waking him and telling him that he could have his girl back.It seemed clear that my project was doomed to failure.The girl simply had a logic-proof head.But then I reconsidered.I had wasted one evening;I might as well waste another.Who knew? Maybe somewhere in the extinct crater of her mind a few members still smoldered.Maybe somehow I could fan them into flame.Admittedly it was not a prospect fraught with hope, but I decided to give it one more try.Seated under the oak the next evening I said, “Our first fallacy tonight is called Ad Misericordiam.”
She quivered with delight.“Listen closely,” I said.“A man applies for a job.When the boss asks him what his qualifications are, he replies that he has a wife and six children at home, the wife is a helpless cripple, the children have nothing to eat, no clothes to wear, no shoes on their feet, there are no beds in the house, no coal in the cellar, and winter is coming.”
A tear rolled down each of Polly‟s pink cheeks.“Oh, this is awful, awful,” she sobbed.“Yes, it‟s awful,” I agreed, “but it‟s no argument.The man never answered the boss‟s question about his qualifications.Instead he appealed to the boss‟s sympathy.He committed the fallacy of Ad Misericordiam.Do you understand?”
“Have you got a handkerchief?” she blubbered.I handed her a handkerchief and tried to keep from screaming while she wiped her eyes.“Next,” I said in a carefully controlled tone, “we will discuss False Analogy.Here is an example: Students should be allowed to look at their textbooks during examinations.After all, surgeons have X-rays to guide them during an operation, lawyers have briefs to guide them during a trial, carpenters have blueprints to guide them when they are building a house.Why, then, shouldn‟t students be allowed to look at their textbooks during an examination?”
“There now,” she said enthusiastically, “is the most marvy idea I‟ve heard in years.” “Polly,” I said testily, “the argument is all wrong.Doctors, lawyers, and carpenters aren‟t taking a test to see how much they have learned, but students are.The situations are altogether different, and you can‟t make an analogy between them.”
“I still think it‟s a good idea,” said Polly.“Nuts,” I muttered.Doggedly I pressed on.“Next we‟ll try Hypothesis Contrary to Fact.”
“Sounds yummy,” was Polly‟s reaction.“Listen: If Madame Curie had not happened to leave a photographic plate in a drawer with a chunk of pitchblende, the world today would not know about radium.”
“True, true,” said Polly, nodding her head “Did you see the movie? Oh, it just knocked me out.That Walter Pidgeon is so dreamy.I mean he fractures me.”
“If you can forget Mr.Pidgeon for a moment,” I said coldly, “I would like to point out that statement is a fallacy.Maybe Madame Curie would have discovered radium at some later date.Maybe somebody else would have discovered it.Maybe any number of things would have happened.You can‟t start with a hypothesis that is not true and then draw any supportable conclusions from it.”
“They ought to put Walter Pidgeon in more pictures,” said Polly, “I hardly ever see him any more.”
One more chance, I decided.But just one more.There is a limit to what flesh and blood can bear.“The next fallacy is called Poisoning the Well.”
“How cute!” she gurgled.“Two men are having a debate.The first one gets up and says, „My opponent is a notorious liar.You can‟t believe a word that he is going to say.‟…Now, Polly, think.Think hard.What‟s wrong?”
I watched her closely as she knit her creamy brow in concentration.Suddenly a glimmer of intelligence—the first I had seen—came into her eyes.“It‟s not fair,” she said with indignation.“It‟s not a bit fair.What chance has the second man got if the first man calls him a liar before he even begins talking?”
“Right!” I cried exultantly.“One hundred per cent right.It‟s not fair.The first man has poisoned the well before anybody could drink from it.He has hamstrung his opponent before he could even start…Polly, I‟m proud of you.”
“Pshaws,” she murmured, blushing with pleasure.“You see, my dear, these things aren‟t so hard.All you have to do is concentrate.Think—examine—evaluate.Come now, let‟s review everything we have learned.”
“Fire away,” she said with an airy wave of her hand.Heartened by the knowledge that Polly was not altogether a cretin, I began a long, patient review of all I had told her.Over and over and over again I cited instances, pointed out flaws, kept hammering away without letup.It was like digging a tunnel.At first, everything was work, sweat, and darkness.I had no idea when I would reach the light, or even if I would.But I persisted.I pounded and clawed and scraped, and finally I was rewarded.I saw a chink of light.And then the chink got bigger and the sun came pouring in and all was bright.Five grueling nights with this took, but it was worth it.I had made a logician out of Polly;I had taught her to think.My job was done.She was worthy of me, at last.She was a fit wife for me, a proper hostess for my many mansions, a suitable mother for my well-heeled children.It must not be thought that I was without love for this girl.Quite the contrary.Just as Pygmalion loved the perfect woman he had fashioned, so I loved mine.I decided to acquaint her with my feelings at our very next meeting.The time had come to change our relationship from academic to romantic.“Polly,” I said when next we sat beneath our oak, “tonight we will not discuss fallacies.”
“Aw, gee,” she said, disappointed.“My dear,” I said, favoring her with a smile, “we have now spent five evenings together.We have gotten along splendidly.It is clear that we are well matched.”
“Hasty Generalization,” said Polly brightly.“I beg your pardon,” said I.“Hasty Generalization,” she repeated.“How can you say that we are well matched on the basis of only five dates?”
I chuckled with amusement.The dear child had learned her lessons well.“My dear,” I said, patting her hand in a tolerant manner, “five dates is plenty.After all, you don‟t have to eat a whole cake to know that it‟s good.”
“False Analogy,” said Polly promptly.“I‟m not a cake.I‟m a girl.”
I chuckled with somewhat less amusement.The dear child had learned her lessons perhaps too well.I decided to change tactics.Obviously the best approach was a simple, strong, direct declaration of love.I paused for a moment while my massive brain chose the proper word.Then I began:
“Polly, I love you.You are the whole world to me, the moon and the stars and the constellations of outer space.Please, my darling, say that you will go steady with me, for if you will not, life will be meaningless.I will languish.I will refuse my meals.I will wander the face of the earth, a shambling, hollow-eyed hulk.”
There, I thought, folding my arms, that ought to do it.“Ad Misericordiam,” said Polly.I ground my teeth.I was not Pygmalion;I was Frankenstein, and my monster had me by the throat.Frantically I fought back the tide of panic surging through me;at all costs I had to keep cool.“Well, Polly,” I said, forcing a smile, “you certainly have learned your fallacies.” “You‟re darn right,” she said with a vigorous nod.“And who taught them to you, Polly?” “You did.”
“That‟s right.So you do owe me something, don‟t you, my dear? If I hadn‟t come along you never would have learned about fallacies.”
“Hypothesis Contrary to Fact,” she said instantly.I dashed perspiration from my brow.“Polly,” I croaked, “you mustn‟t take all these things so literally.I mean this is just classroom stuff.You know that the things you learn in school don‟t have anything to do with life.”
“Dicto Simpliciter,” she said, wagging her finger at me playfully.That did it.I leaped to my feet, bellowing like a bull.“Will you or will you not go steady with me?”
“I will not,” she replied.“Why not?” I demanded.“Because this afternoon I promised Petey Bellows that I would go steady with him.” I reeled back, overcome with the infamy of it.After he promised, after he made a deal, after he shook my hand!“The rat!” I shrieked, kicking up great chunks of turf.“You can‟t go with him, Polly.He‟s a liar.He‟s a cheat.He‟s a rat.”
“Poisoning the Well ,” said Polly, “and stop shouting.I think shouting must be a fallacy too.”
With an immense effort of will, I modulated my voice.“All right,” I said.“You‟re a logician.Let‟s look at this thing logically.How could you choose Petey Bellows over me? Look at me—a brilliant student, a tremendous intellectual, a man with an assured future.Look at Petey—a knothead, a jitterbug, a guy who‟ll never know where his next meal is coming from.Can you give me one logical reason why you should go steady with Petey Bellows?”
“I certainly can,” declared Polly.“He‟s got a raccoon coat.”
查尔斯．兰姆是一个世所罕见的性情欢快、富有进取心的人，他那笔下的散文《古瓷器》和《梦中的孩子》无拘无束、自由奔放。实在令人难忘。下面这篇文章比兰姆的作品更加自由奔放。实际上，用“自由奔放”的字眼来形容这篇文章并不十分确切，或许用“柔软”、“轻松”或“轻软而富有弹性”更为恰如其分。
尽管很难说清这篇文章是属于哪一类，但可以肯定它是一篇散文小品文。它提出了论点。引用了许多例证，并得出了结论。卡菜尔能写得更好吗?罗斯金呢?
这篇文章意在论证逻辑学非但不枯燥乏味而且活泼、清新、富于关感和激情，并给人以启迪。诸位不妨一读。
——作者注
我这个人头脑冷静，逻辑思维能力强。敏锐、慎重、聪慧、深刻、机智一一这些就是我的特点。我的大脑像发电机一样发达，孳化学家的天平一样精确，像手术刀一样锋利。一一你知道吗?我才十八岁呀。
年纪这么轻而智力又如此非凡的人并不常有。就拿在明尼苏达大学跟我同住一个房间的皮蒂·伯奇来说吧，他跟我年龄相哆‟经历一样，可他笨得像头驴。小伙子长得年轻漂亮，可惜脑子里却空空如也。他易于激动，情绪反复无常，容易受别人的影响。最糟的是他爱赶时髦。我认为，赶时髦就是最缺乏理智的表现。见到一 q9种新鲜的东西就跟着学，以为别人都在那么干，自己也就卷进去傻干——这在我看来，简直愚蠢至极，但皮蒂却不以为然。
一天下午我看见皮蒂躺在床上，脸上显露出一种痛苦不堪的表情，我立刻断定他是得了阑尾炎。“别动，”我说，“别吃泻药，我就请医生来。”
“浣熊，”他咕哝着说。
“浣熊?”我停下来问道。
“我要一件浣熊皮大衣，”他痛苦地哭叫着。
我明白了，他不是身体不舒服，而是精神上不太正常。“你为什么要浣熊皮大衣?”
“我本早该知道，”他哭叫着，用拳头捶打着太阳穴，“我早该知道查尔斯登舞再度流行时，浣熊皮大衣也会时兴起来的。我真傻，钱都买了课本，可现在不能买浣熊皮大衣了。”
我带着怀疑的眼神问道：“你是说人们真的又要穿浣熊皮大衣吗?”
“校园里有身分的人哪个不穿?你刚从哪儿来?”
“图书馆，”我说了一个有身分的人不常去的地方。
他从床上一跃而起，在房间里踱来踱去。“我一定要弄到一件浣熊皮大衣，”他激动地说，“非弄到不可!”
“皮蒂，你怎么啦?冷静地想一想吧，浣熊皮大衣不卫生，掉毛，味道难闻，既笨重又不好看，而且……
“你不懂，”他不耐烦地打断我的话。“这就叫时髦。难道你不想赶时髦吗?”
“不想，”我坦率地回答。
“好啦，我可想着呢!”他肯定地说。“只要有浣熊皮大衣，要我什么我都给，什么都行!”
我的大脑一一这件精密的仪器一一即刻运转起来。我仔细地打量着他，问道：“什么都行?”
“什么都行!”他斩钉截铁地说。
我若有所思地抚着下巴。好极了，我知道哪儿能弄到浣熊皮大衣。我父亲在大学读书时就穿过一件，现在还放在家里顶楼的箱子里。恰好皮蒂也有我需要的东西。尽管他还没有弄到手，但至少他有优先权。我说的是他的女朋友波利.埃斯皮。
我早已钟情于波利埃斯皮了。我要特别说明的是，我想得到这妙龄少女并不是由于感情的驱使。她确实是个易于使人动情的姑娘。可我不是那种让感情统治理智的人，我想得到波利是经过了慎重考虑的，完全是出于理智上的原因。
我是法学院一年级的学生，过不了几年就要挂牌当律师了。我很清楚，一个合适的妻子对一个律师的前途来说是非常重要的。我发现大凡有成就的律师几乎都是和美丽、文雅、聪明的女子结婚的。波利只差一条就完全符合这些条件了。
她漂亮。尽管她的身材还没有挂在墙上的美女照片那么苗条，但我相信时间会弥补这个不足。她已经大致不差了。
她温文尔雅——我这里是指她很有风度。她婷婷玉立，落落大方，泰然自若，一眼就看得出她很有教养。她进餐时，动作是那样的优美。我曾看见过她在“舒适的校园之角”吃名点——一块夹有几片带汁的炖肉和碎核桃仁的三明治，还有一小杯泡菜——手指儿一点儿也没有沾湿。
她不聪明，实际上恰好相反。但我相信有我的指导，她会变得聪明的。无论如何可以试一试，使一个漂亮的笨姑娘变得聪明比使一个聪明的丑姑娘变得漂亮毕竟要容易些。
“皮蒂，”我说，“你在跟波利谈恋爱吧?”
“我觉得她是一个讨人喜欢的姑娘，”他回答说，“但我不知道这是不是就叫做爱情。你问这个干吗?”
“你和她有什么正式的安排吗?我是说你们是不是常有约会，或者有诸如此类的事情?”我问。
“没有，我们常常见面。但我们俩各自有别的约会。你问这个干嘛?”
“还有没有别人使她特别喜欢呢?”我问道。
“那我可不知道。你问这些干吗?”
我满意地点点头说：“这就是说。如果你不在，场地就是空着的。你说是吗?”
“我想是这样。你这话是什么意思?”
“没什么，没什么，”我若无其事地说，接着把手提皮箱从壁橱里拿了出来。
“你去哪儿?”皮蒂问。
“回家过周末。”我把几件衣服扔进了提箱。
“听着，”他焦急的抓住我的胳膊说，“你回家后，从你父亲那儿弄点钱来借给我买一件浣熊皮大衣，好吗?”
“也许不仅只是这样呢。”我神秘地眨着眼睛说，随后关上皮箱就走了。
星期一上午我回到学校时对皮蒂说：“你瞧!”我猛地打开皮箱，那件肥大、毛茸茸、散发着怪味的东西露了出来，这就是我父亲1925年在施图茨比尔凯特汽车里穿过的那一件浣熊皮大衣。
“太好了!”皮蒂恭敬的说。他把两只手插进那件皮大衣，然后把头也埋了进去。“太好啦!”他不断地重复了一二十遍。
“你喜欢吗?”我问道。
“哦，喜欢!”他高声叫着，把那满是油腻的毛皮紧紧地搂在怀里。接着他眼里露出机警的神色，说着：“你要什么换呢?”
“你的女朋友，”我毫不讳言地说。
“波利?”他吃惊了，结结巴巴地说，“你要波利?”
“是的。”
他把皮大衣往旁一扔，毫不妥协的说：“那可不行。”
我耸了耸肩膀说：“好吧，如果你不想赶时髦，那就随你的便好了。”
我在一把椅子上坐了下来，假装读书，暗暗地瞟着皮蒂。他神情不安，用面包店窗前的流浪儿那种馋涎欲滴的神情望着那件皮大衣，接着扭过头去，坚定地咬紧牙关。过了一会儿，他又回过头来把目光投向那件皮大衣，脸上露出更加渴望的神情。等他再扭过头去，已经不那么坚决了。他看了又看，越看越爱，慢慢地决心也就减弱了。最后他再也不扭过头去，只是站在那儿，贪婪地盯着那件皮大衣。
“我和波利好像不是在谈恋爱，”他含含糊糊地说。“也说不上经常约会或有诸如此类的事情。”
“好的，”我低声地说。
“波利对我算得了什么?我对波利又算得了什么?”
“只不过是一时高兴—–不过是说说笑笑罢了，如此而已。”
“试试大衣吧。”我说
“他照办了。衣领蒙住了他的耳朵，下摆一直拖到脚跟。他看起来活像一具浣熊尸体。他高兴地说：“挺合身的。”
“我从椅子上站了起来。“成交了吗?”我说着，把手伸向他。
他轻易地接受了。“算数．”他说，并跟我握了握手。
第二天晚上，我与波利第一次约会了。这一次实际上是我对她的考察。我想弄清要作多大的努力才能使她的头脑达到我的要求。我首先请她去吃饭。“哈，这顿饭真够意思，”离开餐馆时她说。然后我请她去看电影。“嘿，这片子真好看，”走出影院时她说。最后我送她回家。和我道别时她说：“嘿，今晚玩得真痛快。”
我带着不大痛快的心情回到了房间。我对这任务的艰巨性估计得太低了。这姑娘的知识少得叫人吃惊。只是给她增加知识还不够，首先得教她学会思考。这可不是一件容易的事，当时我真想把她还给皮蒂算了。但我一想到她那充满魅力的身材，她那进屋时的模样，她那拿刀叉的姿式，我还是决定再作一番努力。
就像做其他的事情一样，我开始有计划地干了起来。我开始给她上辑课。幸好我是一个学法律的学生，我自己也正在学逻辑学，所以对要教的内容我都很熟悉。当我接她赴第二次约会时，我对她说：“今晚上咱们去„小山‟谈谈吧”。
“啊，好极了，”她回答道。对这姑娘我要补充一句的是，像她这么好商量的人是不多见的。
我们去了“小山”，这是校园里人们幽会的地方。我们坐在一棵老橡树下，她用期待的眼神看着我。“我们谈些什么呢?”她问。
她想了一会儿，觉得不错，便说：“好极了。”
“逻辑学，”我清了清嗓了，“就是思维的科学。在我们能正确地思维之前，首先必须学会判别逻辑方面的常见谬误。我们今晚就要来谈谈这些。”
“哇!”她叫了起来，高兴地拍着手。
我打了个寒噤，但还是鼓足勇气讲下去：“首先我们来考究一下被称为绝对判断的谬误。” “好呀!”她眨了眨眼，催促着。
“绝对判断指的是根据一种无条件的前提推出的论断。譬如说，运动是有益的，因此人人都要运动。”
“不错，”波利认真地说，“运动是非常有益的，它能增强体质，好处太多了!”
“波利，”我温和地说，“这种论点是谬误。运动有益是一种无条件的前提。比方说，假设你得了心脏病，运动不但无益，反而有害，有不少人医生就不准他们运动。你必须给这种前提加以限制。你应该说，一般来说运动是有益的。或者说，对大多数人是有益的。否则就是犯了绝对判断的错误，懂吗?”
“不懂，”她坦率地说。“这可太有意思了，讲吧!往下讲吧!”
“你最好别拉我袖子了，”我对她说。等她松了手，我继续讲：“下面我们讲一种被称为草率结论的谬误。你仔细听：你不会讲法语，我不会讲法语，皮蒂也不会讲法语。因此我就会断定在明尼苏达大学谁也不会讲法语。”
“真的?”波利好奇的问道，“谁也不会吗?”
我压住火气。“波利，这是一种谬误，这是一种草率的结论。能使这种结论成立的例证太少了。”
“你还知道其他的谬误吗?”她气喘吁吁地说：“这真比跳舞还有意思啦!”
我极力地使自己不灰心。我真拿这姑娘没办法，的确是毫无办法。可是，如果我不坚持下去，我就太没有用了。因此，我继续讲下去。
“现在听我讲讲„牵强附会‟的谬误。听着：我们不要带比尔出去野餐。每次带他一起去，天就下雨。”
“我就见过这样的人，”她感叹地说。“我们家乡有个女孩，名叫尤拉·蓓克尔。从没有例外，每次我们带她去野餐……”
“波利，”我严厉地说，“这是一种谬误。下雨并不是尤拉蓓克尔造成的，下雨与她没有任何关系。如果你责怪尤拉·蓓克尔，你就是犯了牵强附会的错误。”
“我再也不这样了，”她懊悔地保证说。“你生我的气了吗?”
我深深地叹了一口气：“不，波利，我没生气。”
“那么，给我再讲些谬误吧!”
“好，让我们来看看矛盾前提吧。”
“行，行，”她叽叽喳喳地叫着，两眼闪现出快乐的光芒。
我皱了皱眉头，但还是接着讲下去。“这里有一个矛盾前提的例子：如果上帝是万能的，他能造出一块连他自己也搬不动的大石头吗?”
“当然能，”她毫不犹豫地回答道。
“但是如果他是万能的，他就能搬动那块石头呀，”我提醒她。
“是嘛!”她若有所思地说，“嗯，我想他造不出那样的石头。”
“但他是万能的啊，”我进一步提醒她。
她用手抓了抓她那漂亮而又空虚的脑袋。“我全搞糊涂了，”她承认说。
“你确实糊涂了。因为一种论点的各个前提相互问是矛盾的，这种论点就不能成立。如果有一种不可抗拒的力量．就不可能有一种不可移动的物体；如果有一种不可移动的物体，就不可能有一种不可抗拒的力量。懂吗?”
“再给我讲些这类新奇的玩意儿吧，”她恳切地说。
我看了看表，说：“我想今晚就谈到这里。我现在该送你回去了。你把所学的东西复习一遍，我们明晚上再来上一课吧。”
我把她送到了女生宿舍，在那里她向我保证说这个晚上她过得非常痛快。我闷闷不乐地回到了我的房间，皮蒂正鼾声如雷地睡在床上。那件浣熊皮大衣像一头多毛的野兽扒在他的脚边。我当时真想把他叫醒，告诉他可以把他的女朋友要回去。看来我的计划会要落空了。这姑娘对逻辑简直是一点儿都不开窍。
但是我回过头一想，既然已经浪费了一个晚上，不妨还是再花一个晚上看看。天晓得，说不定她头脑里的死火山口中的什么地方，还有些火星会喷射出来呢。也许我会有办法能把这些火星扇成熊熊烈焰。当然，成功的希望是不大的，但我还是决定再试一次。
第二天晚上我们又坐在那棵橡树下，我说：“今晚上我们要谈的第一种谬误叫做文不对题。”
她高兴得都发抖了。
“注意听，”我说。“有个人申请工作，当老板问他所具备的条件时，他回答说他家有妻子和六个孩子。妻子完全残废了，孩子们没吃的，没穿的，睡觉没有床，生火没有煤，眼看冬天就要到了。”
两滴眼泪顺着波利那粉红的面颊往下滚。“啊，这太可怕了!太可怕了!”她抽泣着说。“是的，是太可怕了，”我同意地说。“但这可不成其为申请工作的理由。那人根本没有回答老板提出的关于他的条件的间题，反而祈求老板的同情。他犯了文不对题的错误。你懂吗!”
“你带手帕了没有?”她哭着说
我把手帕递给她。当她擦眼泪时，我极力控制自己的火气。“下面，”我小心地压低声调说，“我们要讨论错误类比。这里有一个例子：应该允许学生考试时看课本。既然外科医生在做手术时可以看X光片，律师在审案时可以看案由，木匠在造房子时可以看蓝图，为什么学生在考试时不能看课本呢?”
“这个，”她满怀激情地说，“可是我多少年来听到的最好的主意。”
“波利，”我生气地说，“这种论点全错了。医生、律师和木匠并不是以参加考试的方式去测验他们所学的东西。学生们才是这样。情况完全不同，你不能在不同的情况之间进行类比”。
“我还是觉得这是个好主意，”波利说。
“咳!”我嘀咕着，但我还是执意地往下讲，“接下去我们试试与事实相反的假设吧。” 波利的反应是：“倒挺好。”
“你听着：如果居里夫人不是碰巧把一张照相底片放在装有一块沥清铀矿石的抽屉里，那么世人今天就不会知道镭。”
“对，对，”波利点头称是。“你看过那部影片吗?哦，真好看。沃尔特·皮金演得太好了．我是说他让我着迷了。”
“如果你能暂时忘记皮金先生，”我冷冰冰地说，“我会愿意指出这种说法是错误的。也许居里夫人以后会发现镭的，也许由别人去发现，也许还会发生其他的事情。你不能从一个不实际的假设出发，从中得出任何可站得住脚的结论。”
“人们真应该让沃尔特皮金多拍些照片，”波利说，“我几乎再也看不到他了。” 我决定再试一次，但只能一次。一个人的忍耐毕竟是有限度的。我说：“下一个谬误叫做井下放毒。”
“多聪明啊!”她咯咯笑了起来。
“有两个人在进行一场辩论。第一个人站起来说：„我的论敌是个劣迹昭彰的骗子。他所说的每一句话都不可信。‟……波利，现在你想想，好好想一想。这句话错在哪里?”
她紧锁着眉头，我凝神地看着她。突然，一道智慧的光芒——这是我从未看到过的一一闪现在她的眼中。“这不公平，”她气愤地说，“一点都不公平。如果第一个人不等第二个人开口就说他是骗子，那么第二个人还有什么可说的呢?”
“对!”我高兴地叫了起来，“百分之百的对，是不公平。第一个人还不等别人喝到井水，就在井下放毒了。他还不等他的对手开口就已经
伤害了他。……波利，我真为你感到骄傲。”
她轻轻地“哼”了一声，高兴得脸郡发红了。
“你看，亲爱的，这些问题并不深奥，只要精力集中，就能对付。思考——分析—一判断。来，让我们把所学过的东西再复习一遍吧。”
“来吧，”她说着。把手往上一晃。看到波利并不那么傻，我的劲头上来了。于是，我便开始把对她讲过的一切，长时间地、耐心地复习了一遍。我给她一个一个地举出例子，指出其中的错误，不停地讲下去。就好比挖掘一条隧道，开始只有劳累、汗水和黑暗，不知道什么时候能见到光亮，甚至还不知道能否见到光亮。但我坚持着，凿啊，挖啊，刮啊，终于得到了报偿。我见到了一线光亮，这光亮越来越大，终于阳光洒进来了，一切都豁然开朗了。
我辛辛苦苦地花了五个晚上，但总算还是没有白费，我使波利变成一个逻辑学家了，我教她学会了思考。我的任务完成了，她最终还是配得上我的。她会成为我贤慧的妻子，我那些豪华公馆里出色的女主人。我那些有良好教养的孩子们的合格的母亲。
不要以为我不爱这姑娘了，恰恰相反。正如皮格马利翁珍爱他自己塑造的完美的少女像一样，我也非常地爱我的波利。我决定下次会面时把自己的感情向她倾吐。该是把我们师生式的关系转化为爱情的时候了。
“波利，”当我们又坐在我们那棵橡树下时，我说。“今晚我们不再讨论谬误了。”
“怎么啦?”她失望地问道。
“亲爱的，”我友好地对她笑了笑，“我们已经一起度过了五个晚上，我们相处得很好。显然我们俩是很相配的。”
“草率结论，”波利伶俐地说。
“你是说…?”我问道。
“草率结论，”她重复了一遍。“你怎么能凭我们仅有的五次约会就说我们俩很相配呢?”
我咯咯一笑，觉得挺有意思。这可爱的小家伙功课学得可真不错。“亲爱的，”我耐心地拍打着她的手说，“五次约会就不少了，毕竟你不必把整个蛋糕吃下去才知道蛋糕的甜味。”
“错误类比，”波利敏捷地说。“我可不是蛋糕，我是个女孩子。”我微微一笑，但这次不感到那么有意思了。这可爱的孩子功课或许是学得太好了。我决定改变策略。显然，最好的办法就是态度明朗，直接了当地向她表示爱。我沉默了一会儿，用我特别发达的脑袋挑选着合适的词句。然后我便开始说：
“波利，我爱你。对我来说，你就是整个世界，是月亮，是星星，是整个宇宙。我亲爱的，请说你爱我吧。如果你不这样，我的生活就失去意义了。我将会萎靡不振，茶不饮，饭不思，到处游荡，成为一个步履蹒跚、双眼凹下的躯壳。”
我交叉着双手站在那里，心想这下子可打动了她。
“文不对题，”波利说。
我咬咬牙。我不是皮格马利翁，我是弗兰肯斯坦，我的喉咙似乎一下子让魔鬼卡住了。我极力地控制涌上心头的阵阵痛楚。无论怎样，我电要保持冷静。
“好了，波利，”我强装着笑脸说，“这些谬误你的确已学到家了。”
“这可说得很对，”她使劲地点了点头说道。
“可是波利，这一切是谁教给你的?”
“你教的嘛。”
“是的，那你得感谢我呀。是吗，亲爱的?要是我不和你在一起，你永远也不会学到这些谬误的”。
“与事实相反的假设，”波利不加思索地说着。
我摔掉了额前的汗珠。“波利，”我用嘶哑的声音说道，“你不要死板地接受这些东西。我是说那只是课堂上讲的东西。你知道学校学的东西与现实生活毫不相关。”
“绝对判断，”她说道，嬉戏地向我摇摇指头。
这一下可使我恼火了。我猛地跳了起来，像公牛似地吼叫着，“你到底想不想跟我相爱?”
“我不想，”她答道。
“为什么不想?”我追问着。
“因为今天下午我答应了皮蒂伯奇，我愿意和他相爱。”
我被皮蒂这一无耻的行径气得一阵晕眩，情不自禁地向后退去。皮蒂答应了我，跟我成了交，还跟我握了手呢!“这个可耻的家伙!”我尖着嗓子大叫，把一块块草皮踢了起来。“你不能跟他在一起，波利。他是一个说谎的人，一个骗子，一个可耻的家伙!”
“井下放毒，”波利说。“别叫嚷了，我认为大声叫嚷就是一种谬误。”
我以极大的意志力把语气缓和下来。“好吧，”我说，“你是一个逻辑学家。那就让我们从逻辑上来分析这件事吧。你怎么会看得中皮蒂，而看不起我呢?你瞧我一个才华横溢的学生，一个了不起的知识分子，一个前途无量的人；而皮蒂——一个笨蛋，一个反复无常的人，一个吃了上顿不知有没有下顿的家伙。你能给我一个合乎逻辑的理由来说明你为什么要跟皮蒂好吗?”
“当然能，”波利肯定地说。“他有一件浣熊皮大衣。”
《美国口语惯用法例句集粹》Ａ
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1.about
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7)I’d like to know what this is all about.我想知道这到底是怎么回事。How about a fish sandwich? 来一块鱼肉三明治怎么样？What about me? 我怎么样？I’m not about to go in that old house.我是不会进那幢旧房子的！Yes I remember that night.What about it? 是的，我记得那个晚上，那又怎样？What’s this all about? 这到底是怎么回事？It’s about time you showed up!差不多是你该露面的时候了。
2.above
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2)Above all, I want everything quiet.首要的是：我要一切保持安定。Tom thinks he’s above hard work.汤姆认为自己没必要努力工作。
3.act
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4)
5)
6)Would you please act out what happened? 你能把发生的事演示一下吗？Watch Ricky.He sometimes likes to act up in class.注意里基，他又是喜欢在课堂上捣蛋。That profane comedian needs to clean up his act.那个爱说粗言秽语的喜剧演员应该净化一下自己的言行。We need to get our act together and come to see you.我们需要统一意见后来见你。The newspapers called the earthquake an act of God.报纸上称那次地震为天灾。Masa is a class act.玛莎是位杰出的女性。
4.action
1)
2)
3)
4)We’re going to bring action against our debtors.我们打算控告我们的债务人。Did you see any action in yesterday’s ballgame? 昨晚的棒球比赛中你看到有什么有趣的精彩场面吗？Our community is going to take action against the proposed waste dump.我地区要采取行动反对那项垃圾处理场的提案。Jim wants to go where the action is.吉姆想去有刺激性的地方。
5.advantage
1)
2)Our opponents have a height advantage on us.我们的对手在身高上比我们占有优势。Nobody likes to be taken advantage of.没有人喜欢被捉弄（或：被欺骗、利用）
6.after
1)
2)
3)
4)I think that girl is after you.我想那女孩是在追你。It looks like things are gonna work out after all.看起来事情终会解决的。This soft drink has a nasty aftertaste.这软饮料有种让人难受的余味。I see your point, but don’t you think it’s way after the fact.我明白你的意思，但你不觉
得这已是“事后诸葛亮”了吗？
7.again
1)I could go to Japan again and again.我可以一而再、再而三地去日本。（注：意指不会感到
厌倦）
8.age
1)
2)Would you please act your age!请你做事要有一个与自己年龄相称的样子。This is a “coming of age” movie.这是一部成人影片。
9.air
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
6)
7)
8)
9)I need to go outside and get some air.我需要出去呼吸点新鲜空气。I don’t know what’s wrong, but can feel it in the air.虽然我不知道到底是出了什么差错，但我能隐隐约约感觉到。Mike was sad when they took his favorite program off the air.当迈克喜欢的节目被取消时，他感到很伤心。The sale of our house is still up in the air.我们的房子出勤率售一事还没有最后定下来。After winning the championship, I felt I could walk on air.获得冠军后，我飘飘欲仙。Your sister is such an airhead.你姐姐真是来个没有头脑的人。Janet Jackson’s new song is getting lots of airplay.珍妮〃杰克逊的新歌到处都在不断地播放。That last time I took a plane, I got airsick.上次我乘飞机时晕机了。I hope there’s no bad air between us.我希望我们之间的关系不要很别扭。
10.all
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)
11)
12)
13)It’s looks like we won’t be going after all.看起来最后我们还是不能去。We’ve all but finished the project.我们已几乎完成了那个项目。All in all I’d say it’s been a very productive day.总的来说，我认为这一天过得很充实。Let’s go all-out and win this game!让我们尽全力来打赢这场比赛。We knew it was all over when we saw the building burst.当我们看见那座建筑突然起火时，我们知道一切全完了。We wish you all the best.我们大家祝福你一切如意。If it’s all the same to you, I’d just as soon not go.如果这对你都是一回事的话，我就不想去了。They were running from the police like all get-out.他们以极快的速度逃脱警察的追赶。I didn’t see them come in at all.我根本高没有发现他们的进来。Let’s settle this matter once and for all.让我们来把这个问题一次性地彻底解决掉。Mark is an all-around athlete.马克是一个全能运动员。Did you get to play in the all-star game? 你入选全明星队的比赛了吗？He bloke the all-time record in the 100-meter run at his school.他打破了他所在的学校
100米跑的历史最高记录。
11.alley
1)Working on cars isn’t up my alley.修理汽车不是我拿手的活儿。
12.alone
1)
2)I just wanna be left alone.我只是想一个人呆会儿。Can’t you just leave well enough alone? 你不能少管一些闲事吗？
13.along
1)
2)You knew all along what was going on.你从一开始就知道所发生的事。Debbie doesn’t get along with Steve.戴比和史蒂夫相处得不好。
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)Mr.Pak came here searching for the American dream.帕克先生来到这儿寻求他的“美国梦”。Some foreigners become Americanized while living in the U.S.一些外国人在美国居住时被美国化了。Not having any job freedom would be totally unAmerican.没有选择职业的自由是完全违背美国精神传统的。Bill is an all-American quarterback.比尔是全美（橄榄球）明星赛的四分卫队员。I just can’t go on the American way.我无法适应美国方式。
15.animal
1)
2)Water-skiing really brings out the animal in Tom.滑水运动真正激发出了汤姆的活力与激情。The young actor emits a lot of animal magnetism on the screen.那个年轻演员在荧幕
上充分显示出他的性魅力。
16.answer
1)I called Emi but there was no answer.我给埃米打了电话，但是没人接。
17.apple
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)Have you ever been to the Big Apple? 你去过纽约吗？Do I sense an apple of discord between you two? 你问我有没有感觉出你们两人之间的不和，是吗？Heather is the apple of my eye.希瑟是我的掌上明珠。Rita likes to keep everything in apple-pie order.丽塔喜欢把一切都弄得井井有条。Dennis has always been an apple polisher.丹尼斯一直就是一个马屁精。
18.arm
1)
2)
3)
4)You don’t have to twist my arm to get me to go with you.用不着你强迫我跟你走。My father is a hopeless armchair quarterback.我爸爸是一个没救了的纸上谈兵的人。The suspects are armed and dangerous.嫌疑犯带有武器，十分危险。Every spring the park is filled with lovers walking arm in arm.每到春天公园里到处都是
手挽手散步的恋人。
19.around
1)
2)Coach Johnson has been around for 30 years.约翰逊教练已有三十年的经验了。Someone is on duty here around-the-clock.有人在这里昼夜值班。
20.as
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
6)It looks as if someone has already been here.看起来在人来过这里了。As for me, I’m going home.至于我，我准备回家。Marty is acting as if nothing happened.马蒂表现得像什么也没发生过一样。I want this room left as is.我希望这间房子保持原样。The changes will begin taking place as of tomorrow.变动从明天开始实施。Police are baffled as to the whereabouts of the kidnappers.警察局搜寻绑架者的工作受
挫。
1)
2)
3)
4)Our gas bill average about $50 a month.我们每个月的煤气费平均50美元。On the average, I’d say we eat chicken once a week.我们平均每周吃一次鸡肉。Kent describes himself as just an average Joe.肯特视自己为一名普通的美国人。On the average day, over 100,000 kids bring guns to school in the U.S.在美国平常日
子里，有100,000个孩子带手枪去上学。
22.away
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)What makes you think you’re gonna get away with this? 是什么使你认为你可以免受处罚？I wish they’d do away with these complicated tax forms.我希望他们能费除掉这些复杂的税务表格。We’re planning a weekend getaway for our anniversary.我们正在为庆祝我们的纪念日而安排一次周末的外出活动。Tom wants to run away from home.汤姆想从家里出逃。Dave and Kathy are going to steal away on vacation.戴夫和凯茜计划在假期里偷偷跑出
去。
医院中英文对照
发热门诊Have Fever主治医师Doctor-in-charge 供应室Supply Room谢绝入内No entering 红灯亮时谢绝入内No entering when red light
彩超、心电图Colorful Cardiogram/ECG住院楼Inpatient Building 透析血磁EndoscopeDept.护士Nueser康复理疗科RehabilitationPhysiotherapyDept.中药计价China medical price account肛肠科Ano-proctology
皮肤、肛肠、男性科、泌尿科候诊Dermatology、Ano-proctology、male Urology Clinic 皮肤科、肛肠科、男性科、泌尿科Dermatology、Ano-proctology、male Urology Dept 中医科Traditional Chinese Medicine五官科ENT Dept.男性科、泌尿科 Male urology Dept.安全出口Exit
预防保健科Medical center for health preventionand care
后勤科、药库Logistic Room、Seore入院登记In-patient Admisson 高压氧治疗Hyperbaric Oxygehation Therapy碎石中心ESWL Center 急救中心Emergency Center挂号收费Registration
中心药房Cenreral Pharmacy内科门诊Internal Medicine Clinic会议室Meeting Room手外科Hand Surgery 产科Obstentrics Dept.骨外科Orthopedics Dept.神经、烧伤外科Neurosurgery.Plaseric surgey Dept.麻醉科Anaesthesiology手术室Operation Room 泌尿、肿瘤外科Urologic.Gumorsurgery Dept.妇科Gynecology Dept.内二科Internal Medicine.Ward 2产房及爱婴中心Delivery Room内一科Internal Medicine.Ward 1洗手间Toilet
普外、胸外科Surgey、Thoracic Surgey Dept.皮肤科Dermatology Dept.中医骨伤科Traditional Mediaine or Thopaedics餐厅Dining Room 配餐室Pantry Room后勤科Logistics Dept.电工室Electrician Room接待室Dermatology Room 内、儿科候诊 Internal medicine.Pediatrics功能检查候诊Function Exam 中医科候诊TCM Clinic放射科候诊Radiology Clinic 妇科门诊Gynecology Dept.产科候诊Obstentrics Clinic 肛肠科候诊Ano-proctology妇科候诊Gynecology Clinic 产科门诊Obstentrics Dept.五官科候诊ENT.Clinic 外科候诊Surgery Clinic输液中心Transfusion Center 皮肤、泌尿科候诊 Dermatology.Male Urology Clinic检验候诊Clinical Laborotories 家属休息Relation Rest Room口腔科门诊Stomatology Clinic 内儿科Internal Medicine.Pediaarics镜检科Endoscope Dept.外科Surgrey Dept.检验中心Laboratory Center 功能检查Function Exam Dept.登记处Registration 预防保健门诊Hygine ＆ Public Health Dept.收费处Cashier 美容科、镜检科门诊 Cosmetology Dept.Endoscope Clinic
收费健康发证Gharge lssue Bill of Health试敏观察室Scratch Espial Room
共轨技术
随着人们对低油耗、低废气排放、发动机低噪声的需求越来越大，对发动机和燃油喷射系统的要求也越来也高。对柴油发动机燃油喷射系统提出的要求也在不断增加。更高的压力、更快的开关时间，以及根据发动机工况修订的可变的流量速率曲线，已经使得柴油发动机具有良好的经济性、低污染、高动力性，因此柴油发动机甚至进入了豪华高性能轿车领域。达到这些需求的前提是拥有一个可以精确雾化燃油并具有高喷油压力的燃油喷射系统。同时，喷油量必须精确计算，燃油流量速率曲线必须有精确的计算模型，预喷射和二次喷射必须能够完成。一个可以达到以上需求的系统即共轨燃油喷射系统。
共轨系统包括以下几个主要的部分： ①低压部分，包含燃油共轨系统组件。
②高压系统，包含高压泵、油轨、喷油器和高压油管等组件。
电控柴油机系统EDC主要由系统模块，如传感器、电子控制单元和执行机构组成。共轨系统的主要部分即喷油器。它们拥有一个可以快速开关喷嘴的执行阀(电磁阀或压电触发器)，这就允许对每个气缸的喷射进行控制。
所有的喷油器都由一个共同的油轨提供燃油，这就是“共轨”的由来。在共轨燃油喷射系统中，燃油喷射和压力的产生是分开的。喷油压力的产生与发动机转速和喷油量无关。EDC控制每个组件。
(1)压力产生。
燃油喷射和压力的产生是通过蓄能器分离开来。将具有压力的燃油提供给为喷射做好准备的共轨系统的蓄能器。
由发动机驱动的连续运转的高压泵提供所需喷油的压力。无论发动机的转速高低，还是燃油喷射量的多少，油轨中的压力均维持在一定值。由于几乎一致的喷油方式，高压泵的设计可以小的多，而且它的驱动转矩可以比传统燃油喷射系统低，这源于高压泵的负载很小。
高压泵是径向活塞泵，在商用车上有时会使用内嵌式喷油泵。(2)压力控制
所应用的压力控制方法主要取决于系统。
一种控制油轨压力的方式是通过一个压力控制阀对高压侧进行控制。不需喷射的燃油通过压力控制阀流回到低压回路。这种控制回路允许油轨压力对不同工况(如负载变化时)迅速做出反应。
在第一批共轨系统中采用了对高压侧的控制。压力控制阀安装在燃油轨道上更可取，但是在一些应用中，它被直接安装在高压泵中。
另一种控制轨道压力的方式是进口端控制燃油供给。安装在高压泵的法兰上的计量单元保证了泵提供给油轨精确的燃油量，以维持系统所需要的喷油压力。
发生故障时，压力安全阀防止油轨压力超过最大值。
在进口端对燃油供给的控制减少了高压燃油的用量，降低了泵的输入功率。这对燃油消耗起到积极的作用。同时，流回油箱的燃油温度与传统高压侧控制的方法相比得到了降低。
双执行器系统也是一种控制轨道压力的方式，它通过计算单元对压力进行控制，并且通过压力控制阀对高压端进行控制，因此同时具备高压侧控制与进口端燃料供给控制的优势。
(3)燃油喷射
喷油器直接将燃料喷到发动机的燃烧室。它们由与燃油轨道直接相连的短高压油轨提供燃油。发动机的控制单元通过与喷油器结合在一起的控制阀的开闭控制喷油嘴的开关。
喷油器的开启时间和系统油压决定了燃油供给量。在恒压状态下，燃油供给量与电磁阀的开启时间成正比，因此与发动机或油泵的转速(以时间为计量的燃油喷射)无关。
(4)液压辅助动力
与传统燃油喷射系统相比，将压力的产生与燃油的喷射分离开来，有利于燃烧室的充分燃烧。燃油喷射压力在系统中基本可以自主选择。目前最高燃油压力为1600巴，将来会达到1800巴。
共轨系统通过引入预喷射或多次喷射可以进一步减少废气排放，也能明显降低燃烧噪声。通过多次触发高速转换阀的开闭可以在每个喷射周期内实现多达5次的喷射。喷油针阀的开闭动作是液压辅助元件助力的，以保证喷射结束的快速性。
(5)控制和调节
发动机的控制单元通过传感器检测加速踏板的位置以及发动机和车辆的当前工况。采集到的数据包括：
① 曲轴转速和转角； ② 燃油轨道的压力； ③ 进气压力；
④ 进气温度、冷却液温度和燃油温度； ⑤ 进气量； ⑥ 车速等。
电控单元处理输入信号。与燃烧同步，电控单元计算施加给压力控制阀或计算模块、喷油器和其他执行机构(如EGR阀，废气涡轮增压器)的触发信号。
喷油器的开关时间应很短，采用优化的高压开关阀和专业的控制系统即可实现。
根据曲轴和凸轮轴传感器的数据，对照发动机状态(时间控制)，角度/时间系统调节喷油正时。电控柴油机系统(EDC)可以实现对燃油喷射量的精确计算。此外，EDC还拥有额外的功能以进一步提高发动机的响应特性和便利性。
其基本功能包括对柴油燃油喷射正时的精确控制，和在给定压力下对油量的控制。这样，它们就保证了柴油发动机具有能耗低、运行平稳的特点。
其他开环和闭环控制功能用于减少废气排放和燃油消耗，或提供附加的可靠性和便利性，具体例子有：
① 废气在循环控制； ② 增压控制； ③ 巡航控制；
④ 电子防盗控制系统等。(6)控制单元结构。
由于发动机控制单元通常最多有8个喷油器输出口，所以超过八缸的发动机需要两个控制单元。它们通过内置高速CAN网络的“主/从”接口进行连接，因此也拥有较高的微控制器处理能力。一些功能被 分配给某个特定的控制单元(如燃料平衡控制)，其功能根据需求情况(如检测传感器信号)可以动态地分配给一个或多个控制单元。
The Common Rail Calls for lower fuel consumption, reduced exhaust-gas emission, and quiet engines are making greater demands on the engine and fuel-injection system.The demands placed on diesel-engine fuel-injection systems are continuously increasing.Higher pressures, faster switching times, and a variable rate-of-discharge curve modified to the engine operating state have made the diesel engine economical, clean, and powerful.As a result, diesel engines have even entered the realm of luxury-performance sedans.These demands can only be met by a fuel-injection pressure.At the same time the injected fuel quantity must be very precisely metered, and the rate-of-discharge curve must have an exact shape, and pre-injection and secondary injection must be performable.A system that meets these demands is the common-rail fuel-injection system.The main advantage of the common-rail system is its ability to vary injection pressure and timing over a broad scale.This was achieved by separating pressure generation(in the high-pressure pump)from the fuel-injection system(injection).The rail here acts as a pressure accumulator.Principle of the Common Rail The common-rail system consists of the following main component groups: ① The low-pressure stage, comprising the fuel-supply system components;② The high-pressure system, comprising components such as the high-pressure pump, fuel-rail, injector, and high-pressure fuel lines.The electronic diesel control(EDC), consisting of system modules, such as sensors, the electronic control unit, and actuators.The key components of the common-rail system are the injectors.They are fitted with a rapid-action valve(solenoid valve or piezo-triggered actuator)which opens and closes the nozzle.This permits control of the injection process for each cylinder.All the injectors are fed by a common fuel rail, this being the origin of the term “common rail”.In the common-rail fuel-injection system, the function of pressure generation and fuel injection are separate.The injection pressure is generated independent of the engine speed and the injected fuel quantity.The electronic diesel control(EDC)controls each of the components.(1)Pressure Generation.Pressure generation and fuel injection are separated by means of an accumulator volume.Fuel under pressure is supplied to the accumulator volume of the common
rail ready for injection.A continuously operating high-pressure pump driven by the engine produces the desired injection pressure.Pressure in the fuel rail is maintained irrespective of engine speed or injected fuel quantity.Owing to the almost uniform injection pattern, the high-pressure pump design can be much smaller and its drive-system torque can be lower than conventional fuel-injection systems.This results in a much lower load on the pump drive.The high-pressure pump is a radial-piston pump.On commercial vehicles, an in-line fuel-injection pump is sometimes fitted.(2)Pressure Control The pressure control method applied is largely dependent on the system.One way of controlling rail pressure is to control the high-pressure side by a pressure-control valve.Fuel not required for injection flows back to the low-pressure circuit via the pressure-control valve.This type of control loop allows rail pressure to react rapidly to changes in operating point(e.g.in the event of load changes).Control on the high-pressure side was adopted on the first common-rail systems.The pressure-control valve is mounted preferably on the fuel rail.In some applications, however, it is mounted directly on the high-pressure pump.Another way of controlling rail pressure is to control fuel delivery on the suction side.The metering unit flanged on the high-pressure pump makes sure that the pump delivers exactly the right quantity of fuel rail in order to maintain the injection pressure required by the system.In a fault situation, the pressure-relief valve prevents rail pressure from exceeding a maximum.Fuel-delivery control on the suction side reduces the quantity of fuel under high pressure and lowers the power input of the pump.This has a positive impact on fuel consumption.At the same time, the temperature of the fuel flowing back to the fuel tank is reduced in contrast to the control method on the high-pressure side.The two-actuator system is also a way of controlling rail pressure, which combines pressure control on the suction side via the metering unit and control on the high-pressure side via the pressure-control valve, thus marrying the advantages of high-pressure-side control and suction-side fuel-delivery control.(3)Fuel Injection.The injectors spray fuel directly into the engine’s combustion chambers.They are supplied by short high-pressure fuel lines connected to the fuel rail.The engine control unit controls the switching valve integrated in the injector to open and close
the injector nozzle.The injector opening times and system pressure determine the quantity of fuel delivered.At a constant pressure, the fuel quantity delivered is proportional to the switching time of the solenoid valve.This is, therefore, independent of engine or pump speed(time-based fuel injection).(4)Potential Hydraulic Power.Separating the functions of pressure generation and fuel injection opens up future degrees of freedom in the combustion process compared with conventional fuel-injection systems;the injection pressure at pressure at present is 160 MPa;in future this will rise to 180 MPa.The common-rail system allows a future reduction in exhaust-gas emissions by introducing pre-injection events or multiple injection events and also attenuating combustion noise significantly.Multiple injection events of up to five per injection cycle can be generated by triggering the highly rapid-action switching valve several times.The nozzle-needle closing action is hydraulically assisted to ensure that the end of injection is rapid.(5)Control and Regulation.The engine control unit detects the accelerator-pedal position and the current operating states of the engine and vehicle by means of sensors.The data collected includes:
① Crankshaft speed and angle;② Fuel-rail pressure;③ Charge-air pressure:
④ Intake air, coolant temperature, and fuel temperature: ⑤ Air-mass intake: ⑥ Road speed, etc.The electronic control unit evaluates the input signals.In sync with combustion, it calculates the triggering signals for the pressure-control valve or the metering unit, the injectors, and the other actuators(e.g.the EGR valve, exhaust-gas turbocharger actuators, etc.).The injector switching times, which need to be short, are achievable using the optimized high-pressure switching valves and a special control system.The angle/time system compares injection timing, based on data from the crankshaft and camshaft sensors, with the engine state(time control).The electronic diesel control(EDC)permits a precise metering of the injected fuel quantity.In
addition, EDC offers the potential for additional functions that can improve engine response and convenience.The basic functions involve the precise control of diesel-fuel injection timing and fuel quantity at the reference pressure.In this way, they ensure that the diesel engine has low consumption and smooth running characteristics.Additional open-and close-loop control functions perform the tasks of reducing exhaust-gas emissions and fuel consumption, or providing added safely and convenience.Some examples are:
① Control of exhaust-gas recirculation;② Boost-pressure control;③ Cruise control;
④ Electronic immobilizer, etc.(6)Control Unit Configuration.As the engine control unit normally has a maximum of only eight output stages for the injectors, engines with more than eight cylinders are fitted with two engine control units.They are coupled within the “ master/slave ” network via an internal, high-speed CAN interface.As a result, there is also a high microcontroller processing capacity available.Some functions are permanently allocated to a specific control unit(e.g.fuel-balancing control).Other can be dynamically allocated to one or many of the control units as situation demand(e.g.to detect sensor signals).
AEROFLEX “亚罗弗”保温 ALCO “艾科”自控 Alerton 雅利顿空调 Alfa laval阿法拉伐换热器 ARMSTRONG “阿姆斯壮”保温 AUX 奥克斯
BELIMO 瑞士“搏力谋”阀门 BERONOR西班牙“北诺尔”电加热器 BILTUR 意大利“百得”燃烧器 BOSIC “柏诚”自控 BROAD 远大
Burnham美国“博恩汉”锅炉 CALPEDA意大利“科沛达”水泵 CARLY 法国“嘉利”制冷配件 Carrier 开利 Chigo 志高
Cipriani 意大利斯普莱力
CLIMAVENETA意大利“克莱门特” Copeland“谷轮”压缩机 CYRUS意大利”赛诺思”自控 DAIKIN 大金空调
丹佛斯自控 Dorin “多菱”压缩机
DUNHAM-BUSH 顿汉布什空调制冷 DuPont美国“杜邦”制冷剂 Dwyer 美国德威尔 EBM “依必安”风机
ELIWELL意大利“伊力威”自控 Enfinilan 英国“英菲尼兰“阀门 EVAPCO美国“益美高”冷却设备 EVERY CONTROL意大利“美控” Erie 怡日
FRASCOLD 意大利“富士豪”压缩机 FRICO瑞典“弗瑞克”空气幕 FUJI “富士”变频器
FULTON 美国“富尔顿”锅炉 GENUIN “正野”风机 GREE 格力
GREENCOOL格林柯尔 GRUNDFOS “格兰富”水泵 Haier 海尔 Hisense 海信 HITACHI 日立
霍尼韦尔自控 Johnson 江森自控 Kelon 科龙
KRUGER瑞士“科禄格”风机 KU BA德国“库宝”冷风机 Liang Chi 良机冷却塔 LIEBERT 力博特空调 MARLEY “马利”冷却塔 Maneurop法国“美优乐”压缩机 McQuary 麦克维尔 Midea 美的 MITSUBISHI三菱
Munters 瑞典“蒙特”除湿机 Panasonic 松下 RANCO “宏高”自控
REFCOMP意大利“莱富康”压缩机 RIDGID 美国“里奇”工具 RUUD美国“路德”空调 RYODEN “菱电”冷却塔 SanKen “三垦”变频器 Samsung 三星 SANYO 三洋
ASWELL英国森威尔自控 Schneider 施耐德电气 SenseAir 瑞典“森尔”传感器 SIEMENS 西门子
SINKO “,28商机网;新晃“空调 SINRO “新菱”冷却塔 STAND “思探得”加湿器 SWEP 舒瑞普换热器 TECKA “台佳”空调 Tecumseh“泰康”压缩机 TRANE 特灵
TROX德国“妥思”风阀 VASALA芬兰“维萨拉”传感器 WILO德国“威乐”水泵 WITTLER 德国”威特”阀门 YORK 约克
ZENNER德国“真兰”计量
